so i have been on and off the diet again, but why? with putting weight back on my legs are hurting more again, and i mean really hurting and yet still i keep eating shit, choc bar after choc bar!!
but this eating has nothing to do with being hungry oh good no, far from it, so much so that sometimes i have been eating to the point of feeling sick, how stupid it that, for anyone that say binge eating is not a real thing then they are wrong, it very much is, and no i dont make myself sick after i just eat till it hurts and that is just not right at all!!
so me and this diet need to make friends and make it work, not cos im wanting to be all thin and that i just dont want to get to the point where i cant even walk and become bed bound and thats the way ill be if i dont stop all this!!
time to do this
so the fat girls fight to be slim is on, in the 2weeks i have been on the plan i have lost 1 whole stone woooo hooooo, and i have been 100% on the plan for 7 whole days, thats the longest since the very first time i started it.
i dont feel hungry now, but i do get tired, but i just cant wait to be the slim me, i have to stick to it, im going to stick to it cos i really want this more than anything right now!!!
I’m going to have it!!!!
It’s so easy to just be fat, there is the endless tv, food, no need to walk, mobile phones, Internet, food and and unhealthy lifestyle is everywhere.
I sit here watching tv program’s about being slimmer, I download the apps, I drive my car to the shops to get my food, sometimes I don’t even have to get out of my car to get it with more and more drive throughs and yet I tell my self that I want to be I tell everyone I want to be thin cos this life is killing me, this life will kill me, the fat around every inch of my body, the pain in my joints as I work the long shifts, the panting as I get to the top of the stairs, the sweating after such a little task, and the looking just vile, lumps of fat just over hanging, can’t fit into normal cloths.
Yet there is all this, all this shit I don’t want, and so much that I do want, like a boyfriend, kids, sex, looking good in a dress, to not feel like shit and yet tonight I, yes me think it is ok to get stuffing my face with chocs, and not just 1 I got and have about 10 and yet I had done so well all day and then I just fuck it up at the end,
I have to do this!!! I don’t want to die I really don’t, but keep going and I will
so i have just spent the last the few hours trailing through eBay looking at dresses, i guess looking at all the stuff i want to be able to wear gives me more reason to stick to my diet.
i cant wait to be able to wear all this nice stuff, to be able to walk in to a shop and just be able to pick up say a size 14 and it fit!!
but this brings me on to another note, while the likes of asda are now doing bigger sizes it would seem that the likes of New Look feel that the plus size range is taking up to much of there room, so they are now giving it less floor space, i go in to my local New Look and there is just nothing the to choose from, i go in to town and its the some, so is my fat pound not worth the same as the skinny pound, why have you gone from putting the inspire range in to then leave us with such an uninspiring choice, what is it you think all the fat people should be in the same dress/top/bottoms/coat so that you spot us even easier
NEW LOOK sort it out!!
ive been friends with someone for almost 4yrs now, the whole time i have known him is mum has had cancer, she has had times when she has been better, and times when she has been quite ill.
his dads not around as he died when my friend was just 6 meaning its just him and his sister and there both so young hes 21 and his sister is just 18 and over the last few months there mum has been getting worse and worse, there is just one problem there is nothing i can do to help 😦
me and him where once so close and he would have asked me for anything at any time but something changed between us, i got ill and pushed my friends away even him and we are just not as close any more, there where times in the past when i had give his mum lifts, took her shopping and was just always there but now he wont let me help with anything at all and this time, its bad this time she is really ill, this time she cant be left on her own, she cant get up the stairs anymore, and him and his sister keep arguing.
i want to be able to help, i can see him just burning him self out and it all just becoming to much for him and im just worried about him!
i wish so much i had not become ill with depression, and that i had dealt with thing as they had happened so that this did not happen, i wish we we’re as close as before then maybe you would let me help, maybe i could give you a break from it it for just a bit.
maybe you told your mum the way i acted to some stuff and she would not want me to help anyway.
i have offered to help loads of times but you just wont let me, maybe your scared that ill get ill again, that ill fuck up again, that ill push you away again, but i wont i promise i wont cos i would never let it happen like that again, i would never hurt you and push you away like that again
I’M SORRY but PLEASE DON’T DO THIS ALONE im here to help if you will just let me 🙂
So I can’t remember the last time I had a bath, not cos I don’t want one. I would love to just fill it up, nice hot water, bubbles, candles and just lay there and think, but this is not an option if you are fat like me.
There is no point filling that bath as the water would just come straight over the top, and that’s if you can even fit your fat ass in there in the first place, and if you get in can you get back out? Do you have the ability to pull yourself back out the bath?
So the shower it’s is the, well until I get slim!!
so I’m fat so what comes with that is a lack of self esteem, feeling unattractive and unwanted
but is it so wrong that i the fat girl wants to just go out there and have sex with out the worry i will be the talk of people after, the worry that me the fat girl will end up on some “i shagged a whale” website, or plastered on facebook in some pull the pig contest the lads are having.
is it also wrong that i don’t necessarily want to be fucked but some chubby chaser, someone that just sees the chance to shag some fat cos thats his dream, or use me as a ticking box
i want to have the confidence to be in town and go home and have mad sex with someone that i dont want to know the name of with out them thinking ugh i fucked the fat one
i want to have a friend that becomes a fuck buddy and thats all it is sex and them not be ashamed they fuck the fat friend
i want to just have someone i can just mess around with, date and shag, just cos it feels good not cos its something to tick off or take the piss out of with there mate or that there a chubby chaser.
but because of how this word is, the way we take the piss out of fat people, that even if the bloke enjoyed and wanted it if there friends found out your no longer just the fuck buddy, one night stand, bit of fun you become the one that starts “oh you mean the fat girl you fucked”
im a girl that just wants to have fun to!!!
lol my silly little thoughts
hi everyone, like many on here i came across the youtube blogs and then came in search on facebook and found the page wooo hoo
about 1yr an a half ago i started on the CWP and lost about 5st but not by sticking to it like so many i pick and lie to myself and other, then the weight came back on, slow at first then really fast as i stuffed my face with everything and anything you name it i was trying to eat it, then came the endless restarts.
ill start monday, no tuesday, no ill start again on thurs, fri or sat well might just as well weight till monday again
every birthday, night out, coffee (and cake) a reason to not start or cheat.
the truth, i want restarting i was just trying to make it look like i was doing the diet to everyone else including myself, and then getting on the scales hoping, praying i had lost, but it want weight i was losing, it was money, mobility, happiness, and the chance to find and be the real me.
as the weight came piling back on i became more tired again, my legs hurt more again, i was looking fatter, feeling fatter, could not fit in some of my cloths.
but why had i come off it, i have never been a normal healthy weight EVER!! not that i remember, so as i started to get to the weights i had never seen before in my life it scared me, would i have loads excess skin, would i be happy, would i look good, and i could not deal with everyone being so nice saying i look good and complimenting me as this was not normal (for me)
and then this week came, im off work, my mind is focused, i have seen your blog and im now thinking what the hell was i so scared of yes all those thing may happen but my god what is worse these things happen or i stay as i am get fatter, end up not being able to walk, get ill, more unhappy, and increase my chance of dieing, yes DIEING and im only 28.
so i say F that, i dont want that i want to be me and noone is going to stop me this time, it platinum time, so sorry if i can eat at your birthday, have sunday lunch, have cake with my coffee, or stay the way i am cos you are scared ill change if i lose weight but this is my life and i want to live it for me not you lot, i love my friends and family there my world but i have to now love me or i wont be here for them anyway
lets do this!!!!!
(sorry bout the rant)